Going to a wedding? Then you may find yourself paying dearly for it. As the average price of what was once a simple ceremony soars to millions of Naira, shameless brides are turning to ever-more greedy tactics to make guests shell out for the privilege of coming to their nuptials.
Just last mouth, a close friend went to China Town, Ojota, to view some of their latest ‘exclusive’ fabrics, when she saw the exact lace material she just shelled out some N120,000 to pay for the aso-ebi for another friends daughter’s marriage.
“I almost became apoplectic at the difference in prices,”
she shrieked down the phone to me when she got home. “Modele (the friend) charged us NI20,OOO for five yards when the selling price was just N50,OOO”. On and on she went, but she knew she wouldn’t get my sympathy. I have always cringed at the idea of forking out a huge chunk of my pay packet for the ‘privilege’ of wearing the same wedding gear as other guests who I don’t even have anything in common with.
On top of which you know you might not get value for
money but you buy it anyway because it’s now pay back time – you’d dolled out wedding packages your friends had gladly paid for and you’re bound to return the gesture – broke or not! With the top-up on the aso-ebi, you help to cover the costs of the meals and a share of the entertainment. Bank details are often
printed at the bottom of the invitation so you can pay in advance!
“It’s brazen,” says Dorcas, a wedding planner and it also takes away from the pleasure of the event. There is a big difference between the usual ‘envelope’ you give to the celebrant, to having to fill in a bank draft to pay for your entertainment in order to attend the wedding! One couple.whose event I covered asked all the relatives to bring a dish.
Inevitably, everyone brought coolers of delicacies and
some few savoury wishes which were gobbled up in
minutes. By the time some late-corners sauntered in, all
the foods were gone and some had to send for food at
the nearest eatry.
“And if you ever wondered why that crystal glasses you bought your friends never make an appearance at their dinner parties, it’s because they probably never existed.
With so many couples living together before getting
married, there is no longer the need for those wedding
staples of knives, forks and nice set of crockery. But
brides will still put household items on their wedding lists, while secretly planning to take their cash value instead.
This is something most shops that offer weddings lists
will agree to if they’re very familiar with the wedding
planner. With the planner’s help you can cash in the
toaster, the iron and the dinner service, pool the proceeds and buy a nice wide-screen telly instead.
“Of course, budgets can be tight and brides always seek to cut costs, but some money-saving efforts are so rude it’s astonishing. One of the newest tricks is covertly providing champagne for guests on the high table – but no one else. And if you ever wondered why waiters at weddings happily take your orders for drinks only to vanish into thin air, it’s because they are so used to the tactic they don’t bet an eyelid at such request. People.think that their guests won’t notice, but it’s obvious it’s most annoying.
It’s also quite common for brides to ask for a huge
polystyrene wedding cake with real icing on it. It looks as if they’ve spent a fortune on state-of-the-art cake but only one of the smaller tiers is actual cake which they cut through!
“Brides-to-be also make the most of the friends they
have, happily tapping on the skills of all their friends and friends-of-friends for everything from doing their hair and make-up to bagging a free MC. There is no job too small to be requested as a contribution to the big day or in lieu of a gift.
But what happens when you have so many friends and
relatives but not enough space at the hall? Brides who
want to let would-be guests down gently send out letters for the engagement ceremony, and if yours arrive without the ‘card-admits-one” invite, you’ll know you haven’t made the cut. This short-listing method basically boils down to ‘the more important you are, the more stages of the wedding you get invited to’, with only a select group of people attending the whole thing.
The rise of electronic communication means that not just an e-mail, but a ‘one-size- fits-all’ email seems to be an acceptable way of expressing gratitude for gifts no matter how expensive. I believe that if someone has been generous enough to buy you a present or hand over a hefty cheque, the least you can do is sit down and write them a decent ‘thank you’ letter.
Clever Or Clueless?! (Humour)
After suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief, Trevor is referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor. ‘The trouble is,’ Trevor tells the specialist, “I get this blinding pain, like a knife across my scalp and … “. He is interrupted by the doctor, “And a heavy throbbing right behind the left ear?” “Yes! Exactly! How did you know?
“Well, I myself suffered from the same type of headache
for many years. It is caused by a tension in the scalp
muscles. This is how I cured it: every day, I would give my wife oral sex.” “Is that all it takes?” says Trevor. “Oh no,” says the doctor. “When she came, she would squeeze her legs together with all her strength and all the pressure would relieve the tension in my head. Try that every day for two weeks and come back and let me know how it goes.”
Two weeks goes by and Trevor returns, grinning. “Doe,
I’m a new man! I haven’t had a headache since I started
this treatment. I can’t thank you enough.” “That’s fine,”
says the doctor. “I was glad to pass on a personal cure.” “By the way,” says Trevor, standing up to leave. “You have a lovely home.”
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